Everything Starts With a Private Decision

Recently, I was checking my bags at the Portland Airport and the desk clerk was such a stickler about having me label each bag in detail: my name, my pet’s name, my husband’s name, my address, country. Oh my goodness, the whole thing. It made me think about how I could easily put specific situations, specific people and specific circumstances on each one of my bags. In my mind, someone had given me the baggage I was toting around. And…many people would agree with me. For many years I believed that my baggage was a natural fall-out of my circumstances. Of course I have baggage, right?

So often I’m coaching people and, honestly, their baggage makes perfect sense. It is the fall out, the residue, the debris, the trash, the result of bad things that had happened to them. Some would say bad luck. The truth of the matter is, that kind of thinking strips away all hope—where is the hope in that? Does God want us defeated, down, discouraged, disengaged in our journey here on Earth? How do we check the baggage and check in to hope? Proverbs 24:4 says, “Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” I choose Proverbs 24:4. I own my decisions and I know hope will not be cut off from me! Let’s take an honest look at where this stuck position will lead us. By privately holding others responsible for our present, we begin to have public consequences. Public consequences are anything that the public can see that reflects your private decisions. This might play out as hording, shopping, eating, addictions….you know what I’m talking about. If you want to eliminate your public issues, start owning your private decisions. I believe this area of private decision-making is hugely underestimated. You can have mentors, coaches, counselors, and friends that are all for you and have an influence on you. But, ultimately, you will make your decision privately. And then everyone gets to see your decisions play out. Our decisions carve a path to our successes and our failures. For most of us, this bag is stuffed full of blame. You know, the “Why me?” thinking. When I was at an all-time low, I remember someone telling me, “Well, you choose this.” I remember a rage in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t choose this! If this situation had turned out differently, if this person would have done this, if…this line of thinking will lead you to the endless baggage. If it is the President’s fault, the weather’s fault, the neighbor’s fault, the government’s fault, your parent’s fault…you can’t change any of these things and all we’ve got is you! Listen to this. Obviously, we can’t control the things that happen to us and our crazy lives. We often end up in a horrible place despite our intentions. Intentions don’t lead us, decisions do. We’re thinking, “What happened?” Instead we say, “This time I will do the right thing; I will figure it out.” And yet, we end up at the same old dead end street. Intentions are good, outcome is poor. Here’s the shift. Real change happens when we take responsibility for our thinking. Really think on that. Disowning our present gives our power away. God did not give us the ability to make right decisions 100 percent of the time. He did give us the ability to make wrong decisions right. Keep your emotions in the back seat and keep driving with good strong thinking. Bottom line: If we can choose a path that leads us down a path we don’t like, we have that same power to choose a path we do like. If we don’t like where we are today, how are we going to like we are going tomorrow? It starts with our private decisions. Brace yourself. We are in control of our present and our future. Our decisions are an outward reflection of our thinking. Tool: Draw a line in the sand that this is your day to go a different path. If you want different, you have to choose different. Make a poster or a sticky note that says, “Decisions are all about owning my power.” The foundation of good decision making is accepting responsibility for our thinking. Despite what you might think, outside influences are not responsible for your private decisions. Unpack:

1. What thoughts do you have daily that lead you to being unhappy?

2. What questions do you ask daily that hinder your growth?

3. Make a list of unsupportive thoughts. Then cross out each thought and replace it with an empowering thought.

4. List five decisions that you have made, or not made, in the last five years that contribute to where you stand today.

5. Eliminate, “It’s not my fault” from your vocabulary

Mindset: Decisions are about owning my responsibility.